What's Your Gay Fairy Name?

I was perusing through some live journals and stumbled across this fun little ditty.

My Gay Fairy Name is Water Twirl. My special fairy skills are:

* Playing in the sprinkler.*

* Dancing in high heals. *

* Drinking dew drops. *


How Gay.What's" Yours?

Betrayed - Part 4

The saga continues! I went to work this afternoon and immediately things began to happen between Mo-Mo and myself. Since Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) was off work today, I sent him an email. This is what was said:

Camlaw said:
Mo-Mo is not speaking to me today. I have said 2 things to her and she has been short and distant with me. I guess she is mad. Which she has a right to be, to a point. What a mess!

Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) responded:
it'll cool down and settle back into the familiar soon enough......just dont let it get to ya just remember that she asked you to keep silent when she knew and you knew it wasn't right to....so the silent treatment will fade

Camlaw responded:
I know...but I hate being the bad guy in all of this. I didn't steal. I did not brag to others about it. My only fault was agreeing to something I shouldn't have and then breaking my word. And I am kind of mad that I am being treated such a way. It is not like I blabbed Ghetto Queen's personal business, just what she did to US. Anyway, 3 hours & counting...

Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) responded:
yup getting outta there in 3 hours or so

Camlaw responded:
No...Mo-Mo is....I am here til 8:30....I am you or Fashion Show or whoever the hell today.

Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) responded:
oh yeah that be Fashion Show....she traded with you then went out on fmla

I suddenly received an instant message from Mo-Mo. I copied the message we shared back and forth and sent it in an email to Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend).

Camlaw responded:
Mo-Mo(12:22:50): It has come to my attention that you are still upset about the Christmas situation I spoke with Old Lady Red yesterday and she told me that you told her about it and not knowing who else you'd told I went ahead and let her that people knew which she knew b4 I told her and she said if you want to talk to her you can call her
Mo-Mo(12:22:58): so if you want her # I can give it to you
Camlaw (12:23:53): No...I told several people and I agonized over it for days....And my only regret is that I told you I wouldn't say anything then broke my word.
Mo-Mo(12:28:31): all I can say is that I have learned to keep things to myself and I had to learn the hard way
Camlaw (12:30:02): Well, my thing is I did not tell her personal business.
Camlaw (12:31:22): I told about something that was done to ME...to US....to our crew. And she bragged to others about it. And she STOLE from us Mo-Mo. And keeping that quiet was not right. It allowed her to continue to get away with it and make us fools in the process.
Camlaw (12:32:21): Why protect her? What kind of friend is she to do something like that to people that considered her friends and trusted her? And what does that say about us that we continue to cover it up.
Mo-Mo(12:32:57): I'm not trying to cover it up I'm trying to keep confusion away
Mo-Mo(12:33:02): and learn from my mistake
Mo-Mo(12:33:09): don't do it again
Mo-Mo(12:33:31): thats going to make people not want to participate in anything
Mo-Mo(12:34:00): we already have alot of animosity throughout this crew
Camlaw (12:36:46): But if that happened to you...if you were taken advantage of, and people you trusted knew about it and kept it from you, how would you be able to trust those people again?
Camlaw (12:39:36): And as for the people's reactions, NONE of them were surprised. They were not happy about it, but none of them had a hard time believing it. They never said that they would not participate again. But many did say that she should not be trusted again. And a couple of people even said that something similar to this happened with her at the <EDIT>....

Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) responded:
sad......just sad......Mo-Mo jus mad cause you makin her deal with what she should have faced on her own...a worthless friend

Camlaw responded:
Mo-Mo(12:48:49): believe me i know how it feels to be taken advantage of and all you can do is learn from your mistake-- and i'm not saying that you are wrong to be upset with her or upset about the whole situation i'm just going to leave it alone ya'll can do what you want to do about the situation from here on out i am out of it and i will from now on keep my mouth closed and anything that i find out i will keep it to myself there is no use in going back and forth about it and like i said if you want her # she told me to give it to you because she isn't going to argue about it up here and take a chance of losing her job everytime i share information it comes back to bite me in the butt when we discussed this you said you would not say anything to anyone and you immediately told joe who inturn told <EDIT> and then you just started to tell everyone else and who does it look like started all the trouble-- me because i went and got the information told you because you wanted to know and look what has happened they probably think i was in cahoots with her but i can assure you when i collect money i keep all of the receipts from what i spent no one can ever accuse me of anything
Camlaw (12:57:21): Nope....no one blames you or me even though we feel the most guilty about it. I mean look, I collected the money. I never questioned the amount of the gift cards. And what proof is there that I did not plan or take it myself? That was painfully brought to my attention yesterday. And that devestated me.
Camlaw (13:15:34): Hell, you were not even here! And I TRULY apologize for breaking my word. And don't ever tell me anything else since I have proven that I cannot be trusted. And as for "if you want her # she told me to give it to to because she isn't not going to argue about it up here and take a chance of losing her job" if you are talking about Ghetto Queen, I will gladly talk to her. But there is nothing she can say that will make what she did right. I am very hurt & very angry over this ordeal. I hate the fact that I feel guilty and ashamed over it. Like I said, I shouldn't have broken my word to you, but I refuse to be made the bad guy in all of this. I didn't start this mess. You didn't start this mess. She did when she took that money and then bragged about it.
Camlaw (13:18:34): It's over now...we can't change it. Again I apologize for breaking my word to you. It was never my intention to put you in the middle nor put a strain on our friendship. I really consider you my friend and it bothers me that this could change that.

Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) responded:
It was never my intention for it to get to Hoochie Mama either.....this whole thing should be resting heavily on Ghetto Queen's shoulders and not ours.

I apologize to the both of you for being the blabber mouth that I have proven to be. I never meant to put anyone in a difficult position. I too have learned numerous lessons here as well. If I had kept my mouth shut, the whole thing would have stopped at me, so I apologize.

Now, shit happens so lets stop the silent treatment and move past this.

Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend)

Towards the end of Mo-Mo's shift, things began to change a little between us. Believe it or not it took the craziness of work to get her to speak to me again like she usually does. I hope she believed what I told her and realizes that what I did was not in any way meant to hurt her. But we are spending so much time on who, what, where, how the information got out, that we are not even concentrating on the information itself. That is what should be the real issue.

Ghetto Queen stole, lied and bragged about it to others. She used and abused the trust our work crew gave her. That's the issue. PERIOD!

Betrayed - Part 3

The past few days I have done nothing but think about this entire ridiculous, sordid, shitty situation. I tried to decide what the best course of action would be and I was completely torn. I called homophobic narrow-minded person on my way to work this morning and asked his opinion. Hell, I was desperate!

Homophobic narrow-minded person told me that my crew should be told. He just didn't know if I should wait to confront Ghetto Queen first or not. I explained to him that we have no way of knowing when Ghetto Queen is going to return from disability. I also told him that I wanted to tell my crew because she stole from ALL of us and I don't want any of them to trust her again. I also told him about her gang affiliations and that if I ended up dying from a drive by or a car bomb, she is responsible.

So I sat at my work desk for a moment and decided to tell Old Lady Red first. She has like 50 billion years of service with the company and I thought maybe she would have some insight on how to handle the situation. Unfortunately, she is a feisty red head and gets riled up easily. She dragged me into Dilbert's office and felt he should know. Of course he had nothing substantial to say. He said he was happy with the amount he got on the gift card he received. That there is nothing he can do about the situation and if I decided to tell the crew, that I shouldn't do it with company email. Old Lady Red was disappointed. I knew it was a waste of our time.

We never told him who specifically we were talking about. Old Lady Red tried hinting around saying that they are someone always off from work. I told her that didn't narrow it down much. She then said they are on disability all the time. I told her that STILL doesn't narrow it down much. Eventually we left Dilbert's office and a co-worker asked why we looked so sad. Old Lady Red said we were not sad, but angry. We then took the opportunity to tell her about Ghetto Queen.

Every person Old Lady Red or I told were not surprised. A couple of times as I re-told the tale I got goose bumps because I got so upset/angry over it. Bull Horn was just as angry as I was, but honestly had no problem believing it to be true. Not even the most religious person in our crew that seems to have a hard time believing the worst in others was not the least bit shocked. A couple of people said that something similar to this happened in another department they worked in with Ghetto Queen. Just goes to show what kind of caliber of person Ghetto Queen really is.

Anyway, shortly before my shift ended today, I was telling another co-worker about Ghetto Queen in front of Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) and Old Lady Red. Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) revealed that when he spoke to Hoochie Mama the other day about it, she asked who was the last person to touch the money before Ghetto Queen had it. Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) said that he thought it was me. Hoochie Mama responded, "How do you know Camlaw didn't take it?" I was floored.

It was time for me to leave, but I sent Hoochie Mama a message. I told her I could not believe that she would actually think that I instead of Ghetto Queen took that money. That it's completely wrong and out of my character. I signed off of my computer and Hoochie Mama immediately sent Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) a message in response to mine. Then she came down to our floor and confronted Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) on what he told me. She then told both of us to keep her name out of our mouths over this money mess. Afterwards she stormed off before we could respond.

Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) said Hoochie Mama knew about this whole thing from the very beginning. And the reason why she is coming down so hard on us is because she is trying to cover her tracks. I agree. Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) says she flat out lied about not knowing anything because if she was so innocent she would have been shocked/surprised when she heard about it the other day. She also wouldn't be so angry and defensive when her name was brought up. I think she is scared of Ghetto Queen because of her possible gang connections. I don't know for sure though.

So I told my mom and a friend of mine from college about this entire situation. My friend told me to drop it now. That me going around whispering about Ghetto Queen being a thief and untrustworthy only makes me look bad. I explained that I never called her a thief or untrustworthy specifically. She said I implied it which is enough. I won't accomplish anything except cause myself more tension in my work group. I told Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) that I was done. I need to move on from here and get past this.

The only thing I feel bad about is Mo-Mo. She asked me not to say anything and I did even though I said I wouldn't. She was not at work today, so I can only imagine how she is going to react tomorrow when she finds out what I have done. I hate to put her in the middle, but what Ghetto Queen did was wrong. Others needed to know about. Us keeping our mouths shut just continues to give Ghetto Queen more power.

Anyway, if I die...like in a mysterious car accident or drive-by or car bomb or any other off the wall incident....please please please share this blog with the Po-Po and hopefully help them solve my murder...

Betrayed - Part 2

Today has been one big ole stressful situation for me. To begin with we had our celebration today for the crew's July birthdays. I had traded shifts with one of my co-workers so I was working later than usual today. Anyway, since I had one of the key ingredients for the "spread" (I swear all we do is eat!) with me, I arrived at work 2 hours early so that they could have my portion in time for the beginning of the festivities. I dropped my stuff off with Mo-Mo and went across the street to shop at Wal-Mart and the Dollar Store (yep, they' re really across the street along with several other stores and restaurants, very convenient and also dangerous). I needed to pick up a gift for one of the people whose birthday we were celebrating.

Anyway, shortly after I returned to work, Mo-Mo called me on my desk phone and asked me why Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) had confronted Hoochie Mama about what we had talked about yesterday. I was floored. I admitted to her that I told Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) in confidence and had no idea he was going to come in and say anything. I explained that I was highly upset and needed to vent to someone about the situation.

I asked Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) why he said anything. That what I told him was in confidence and that I trusted him not to say anything. He told me to that I should never tell him anything like that again and then I won't have to worry about him telling others. I told him I had a plan to confront Ghetto Queen about the situation. He apologized for blowing my plans.

Hoochie Mama ended up asking me how her name got brought up in this mess since she knew nothing about it until today. I explained what I had said & how I felt. I apologized for bringing her into the mess and it was never my intention. She told me that it was all news to her and that there really wasn't anything we could do about it anyway. I needed to chalk it up to a lesson learned and get over it. I told her Mo-Mo said to leave it in God's hands and that they both were right. But it is so much easier said than done.

The rest of the day was strained between Mo-Mo & me and Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) & me. I feel bad. I told Mo-Mo I wouldn't tell anyone and I did anyway. Then I was upset with Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) not really because he blabbed, but because it put me in an awkward position when he did. But I shouldn't feel bad. I did nothing wrong except lie to Mo-Mo about keeping quiet. I didn't steal from anyone! And why are we keeping quiet? Doesn't everyone else in the crew need to know?

I was so glad when my work shift ended today. I have enough drama in my personal life without adding work thieves and strained relationships with co-workers on top of it.

I have the next 2 days off from work. Hopefully a little distance will help clarify how I should proceed. Wish me luck!

Betrayed

I found out some VERY disturbing news today. Before I explain, let me give you some background info first.

Excerpt from I Survived Christmas Oh-Five (posted Monday, December 26, 2005)

Shortly after the Thanksgiving holidays, one of my co-workers began planning our work crew's Christmas celebration. She sent out emails asking if and how many people would like to participate in a secret Santa or white elephant (also known as Chinese Christmas) gift exchange. She planned a menu and also decided on what kind of group gift we should give our two bosses. She formed a committee where I and another crew member were involuntarily volunteered to participate. Then she went out on disability.

This left me and the other person to execute her plans. It was decided that not only would we celebrate the upcoming December holidays but also all the December birthdays as well. A deadline was given as to when each crew member that wanted to participate in a group gift to the bosses needed to have their money turned in (which happened to fall on the Monday after payday). These decisions were made by the other co-worker and the one on disability. Then the other member of the party planning committee went out sick.

With all the plans made it was left up to me to execute them. I typed up a list for the "spread" to pass around for everyone to sign up for what items they planned on bringing. I went to each co-worker and shook them down for their group gift money. And I got everyone's money too. I was nicknamed "The Enforcer" and joked that I could be a collector for the Mafia.

I answered any and all questions in regards to the plans and details of the upcoming festivities. And tried my best to keep everything organized and on track while the other two members of the so-called planning committee were away........

Okay, the names of the two co-workers I mentioned are Mo-Mo and Ghetto Queen (of course not really, just names I am providing for this post). Anyway, Mo-Mo is the planner of all crew invents. She always has been and she is great at it. I usually just help because I am not very good at that sort of thing. So Mo-Mo made all the plans regarding the crew's December celebrations. So she, Ghetto Queen, and I were the December party planning committee. But then unexpectedly Mo-Mo went out on disability for health reasons, leaving me & Ghetto Queen to execute her plans. Are we all caught up now? GOOD!

What I did not mention in my blog back in December is the controversy that came about during the whole December crew festivities. Ghetto Queen was to buy the bosses' gift cards. She was to stop by Mo-Mo's house and pick up her money and then go and buy the gift cards. Well, Ghetto Queen told me and a few others that she didn't put her portion in since it was such a hassle getting the gift cards and that she bought two $5 holiday cards (for the crew to sign and put the gift cards in) at the register of one of the department stores instead of going someplace cheaper. When the holiday cards were passed around, one of my male co-workers mentioned that they didn't look (nor say on the back of them) like $5 cards. So I had no idea how much the bosses' gift cards ending up being. I know what I had collected, but I didn't know if she ended up collecting Mo-Mo's money or not. This should have been my first clue.

Well, today Mo-Mo and I were talking about Ghetto Queen being out ill again from work. She is one of those people that is always out from work with one ailment or another. Usually the ailments are bullshit, but if she can find a doctor to say they are true there is nothing the company can do about it.

Anyway, Mo-Mo said she found out something about Ghetto Queen, but didn't want to tell me because she said I would get mad. Eventually she told me and I was beyond mad. Actually, I don't think there is an appropriate word to express how upset I was. It seems that Ghetto Queen pocketed some of the money I collected at Christmas from our co-workers for the bosses' gifts.

I asked Mo-Mo when and how she found this out. She said that someone told her about it two weeks ago. That Ghetto Queen had been bragging about it. That Hoochie Mama (another co-worker from a different department) had told Ghetto Queen she better be careful.

I explained to Mo-Mo how much money I actually collected. Since we didn't know how much the gift cards were, we couldn't know for sure how much money, if any, Ghetto Queen pocketed. The more I mentioned how much I collected, the more curious Mo-Mo became. So, she went and asked Dilbert and Ms. S how much their gift cards were. Turns out the bitch pocketed $100 of the money! Mo-Mo was in tears. I was homicidal.

My co-workers trusted me when they gave me their money. And this c**t (yeah I am pulling out the big cuss words) violated that trust. She lied to and took advantage of me and our entire work crew. She also made us look cheap to our bosses. Plus the fact that she laughed and bragged about getting away with it makes things worse. I swear if she was there today, ghetto or not I would have confronted her sorry ass. SHE STOLE FROM US! And I'm sorry but I don't take that shit lightly.

Mo-Mo asked me to keep the situation quiet. I reluctantly agreed but had already began telling one of our co-workers about it before she asked me not to. I hinted around until he finally guessed it since he refused to let me stop telling him the story. He stated that Ghetto Queen is nothing but a hustler and he was not all that surprised.

One my way home, I called Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) and told him everything. We work together in the same crew and I needed someone else to vent to. He laughed and said we had all learned our lesson. None of us will ever trust her again. That doesn't make me feel any better.

Mo-Mo told me to trust in God. I said I wish Ghetto Queen would wear RED in her neighborhood and see what happens. (She claims she doesn't wear red cause that's a "Bloods" color and she lives in a "Crypts" area.) I know I shouldn't wish ill will towards anyone, but she has gone too far.

I believe in Karma. What goes around really does eventually come back around. And I can't wait to witness what's coming to her. In the meantime, I got to figure out how to let these feelings of anger and betrayal go. It's not healthy for me.

Ghetto Spelling Bee

Tyreal came home from school disappointed.

Tyreal: "I hate English, dem teachers are always changing stuff".

Mother: "Tyreal, have you been using bad words and writing dirty notes again?"

Tyreal: "Naw, momma, I sware I didn't. I used all of my spelling words in a sentence like the teacher say, but the teacher, she gave me an "F".

1. HOTEL - My Momma said that she ain' gon tell her friend Shaqueta nothing else, cause that HOTEL everthang she know.

2. HONOR ROLL - We was playing bidwiz on the stoop the other day and man, I was HONORROLL.

3. PLANET - Leroy got arrested cause he got him some seed to grow weed, and he PLANET in the backyard.

4. DISMAY - I went for a blood test, the doctor pulled out a needle and said DISMAY hurt a little.

5. OMELETTE - I should punch you for what you jes said but OMELETTE it go dis time.

6. STAIRWAY - Getting high is stupid. It makes you STAIRWAY into space.

7. MOBILE - I went to buy some food, I was short on cash, and my man said gimme one MOBILE .

8. DEFENSE - I saw this dude running from the! cops, but he hopped DEFENSE and got away.

9. AFRO - I got so mad at my girl, AFRO a lamp at her.

10. AFTERMATH - I don't feel like being at school today so AFTERMATH , I'm out.

11. LOCKET - I slam the door so hard, I LOCKET .

12. DOMINEERING - My girl's birthday was yesterday, so I got her a DOMINEERING .

13. KENYA - I needed money for the subway, so I axe a stranger KENYA spare some change.

14. DERANGE - DERANGE is where da deer and da antelope play.

15. DATA - At my basketball game, I scored thirty points. My coach say DATA boy.

16. BEWARE - I asked the man at the unemployment office, "Is dis BEWARE I can get a job?"
17. DIMENSION - I be tall, dark, handsome and not DIMENSION smart.

18. COATROOM - The judge said, "One more outburst, you'll be thrown out de COATROOM ."

19. DECIDE - My boy fronting' like he love his girl but eribody know he got a couple of chicks on DECIDE .

20. FASCINATE - Her dress got 10 buttons, but she so big she can't FASCINATE.

Kitty Porn!?!

I took Oliver to the Vet on Monday. He was past due for his shots and due for his "senior physical." They mentioned his teeth during his last visit so I asked them to do a dental cleaning as well. I also had them groom him since he is so hairy and it is like 150 billion degrees here. Little did I know what all I was asking...

First of all, Oliver is a mean-ass at the Vet's Office. Since he is declawed he bites. His poor chart is covered with red tape & stickers warning about his behavior. So anything they need to do that is even remotely invasive, they got to knock his butt out. They once gave me this sedative to help make him tamer before a visit and all it did was make him look loopy. He was still just as feisty and mean, but with bugged out eyes and a slight stagger.

They told me not to fed him after midnight on Sunday. They wanted to make sure he wouldn't get sick from the anesthesia. I have never taken up Oliver's food dishes before. I felt like I was starving him. He cried on & off all night bugging me for food. Then he followed me around my apartment all morning, sitting by his food mat waiting every time I neared the kitchen. OH IT BROKE MY HEART!

Anyway, I was to drop him off early since he was to be there all day. Unfortunately, Oliver saw the pet carrier and took off. First, he hid under the bed. Then when I went to get something out of my car, he ran out the door and took off running around the complex. I finally nabbed him by tricking him with the possibility of food.

We finally arrived at the Vet's much later than planned. They asked me how I wanted him groomed. A basic trim or a lion's cut? Lion's cut? Yes, they leave his tail and his head alone and cut the rest. Ok, lion's cut it is.

So I arrive to work 2 hours late and waited to hear from the Vet. I stayed one hour after work to make up some of my time. Anyway on the way home, I got the call. Oliver was ready. I told them I would be there in about 20 minutes. I was anxious to see my boy. Last time he was there, he became sick afterwards. I just wanted to make sure he was okay this time.

When I arrived, the receptionist was busy helping another owner. One of the nurses asked if she could help me. I said I was here to pick up my mean boy. "You must be Oliver's owner!" I hadn't even mentioned if I was there for a cat or a dog! I guess his reputation is pretty well known.

They brought him out while I waited for my bill. From what little I could see of him in the carrier he looked kind of naked. I couldn't wait to get him home. While I was waiting, the doctor came out and informed me that they had to pull one of his teeth. She said that he would be sore for a little while and will only be able to eat wet food. She also said I would be getting some antibiotics to give him. I petted him a little through the carrier feeling even worse for him. They really tortured my poor boy.

Finally, the receptionist gave me the bill. $821.72! I almost choked! I handed over my credit card. She ran it while I tried to look over the bill and tried to figure out what the hell I was paying for. I asked her a question and she had no clue what the answer was. Nor did she bother to ask anyone else either. Finally I signed my receipt and she went back to helping the other owner again. Seems they tallied their bill wrong.

Anyway, I continued to stand there for what felt like an eternity. Finally the receptionist looked over to me and asked kind of rudely if there was something else I wanted. I told her there was a bag on the desk behind her that looked like it had my name on it. She finally walked over there and retrieved my bag. "Oops. I was wondering why you were just standing here." DUH!

On the drive home, a whole block away, poor Oliver had an accident in the carrier. Luckily I had a towel in there with him so none of it got on to my car upholstry. I immediately let Oliver out of the carrier when I parked the car. He looked so naked!

I brought the soiled carrier into the apartment with Oliver following close behind me. He immediately went to his food bowl in the kitchen. I threw away the soiled towel and took apart the carrier to clean it. I fed him a package of wet food and he inhaled it. About a hour or so later I fed him another package. He was starving to death! I sat down and went through the bag I received from the Vet's Office.

I discovered some type of medicine to place on his teeth, the expensive Revolution for flea and heart worm treatment, two types of liquid medicine with one labeled for dogs only and a small plastic container with a fecal sample sticker on the side with my last name and paid for hand written on it. There was no new tags stating Oliver's up to date. No care instructions. NOTHING! I was livid!

I called the Vet's Office first thing yesterday morning. I left a message on their machine. I expressed how confused and upset I was. I requested someone call me back immediately. One of the nurses did and was complete apologetic. She pulled my chart and saw that the care instructions were still paper clipped on the front. She explained all the medication to me. She also explained that they could not get a fecal sample from Oliver when he was there. I explained, had I known I would have saved the one he had had in the carrier after I picked him up from the vet. She asked we to come by and they would give me a free bag of cat food, my tags and the care instructions I was supposed to receive the day before.

So I stopped at the Vet's Office on the way home. They gave me a huge bag (10 lbs) of dry cat food (Science Diet Senior). Oliver ain't gonna starve any time soon. Of course providing he ever gets back to eating dry food again. I am on poopie patrol now so I can take the vet a fecal sample since I already paid for the damn thing to be tested.

When I came home I was telling Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) how naked Oliver looks now. Oliver actually has nipples! Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) demanded I take pictures and send them to him so he can have blackmail material for later. So here are the pics:







Oliver looks like he is posing for Kitty Porn in that last one. He's still my cute boy though. And I am sure he is much cooler now. I just hope he can forgive me.

Men Bashing Funnies

Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) is always getting these funny emails. This is one of them that I just had to post!

*********
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...

*********

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you.."

*********

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

*********

A PRAYER....

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

**********

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

Is That Me?!

Have you ever amazed yourself? You know, realized something about yourself that was a total shock & surprise, in a good way I mean. Like for instance, my writing sometimes amazes me. I will go back and read a journal entry or email or whatever and wonder, "Is that me?"

Not too long ago I stumbled across a few term papers I wrote in college. When I sat to read them I was truly blown away. They were organized, intelligent, and thought provoking. I don't remember ever being so articulate in college. Hell, I sometimes wonder if I am even all that articulate today.

Don't get me wrong. I have confidence in myself. Hell, sometimes I tend to come off too arrogant when I discuss a subject I am passionate and very knowledgeable about. Plus, I have always known that my best form of communication is through the written word. I don't get tongue tied when writing or become overly shy. I'm not nervous or anxious and can keep myself from wandering off topic.

Oh when I am speaking, I tend to stray...no...aimlessly wander away from the original subject. I'm not as bad I used to be. It was once pointed out to me that I do that as a defense mechanism. That early in life I began to stray off topics that bothered me, and now I tend to do it with everything. For example:

"You know I went to grocery store today after work and ran into an old friend of mine from highschool. We ran into each in the produce aisle. You know they're having this special on strawberries. I think I spent forever in the fruit section. And then of course the stupid misting system came on and scared the crap out of me. Why is it that some places have those misting systems and others don't? I mean is their produce superior and thus not requiring such treatment? And what happens when we are under a drought. Do they get fined for watering their produce?..." And I will just continue talking from there. Then finally I will realize I strayed off topic and go, "But anyway, what was I originally talking about?"

Written form keeps me focused. Plus I can express myself easier. I have no problem getting my point across. And obviously I not only come off intelligent, but leave little doubt as such. Even though I know my blogs may not reveal that. SHUT UP HOMOPHOBIC NARROW-MINDED PERSON AND JOE (A.K.A. GAY BOYFRIEND)!!!!!

When I was younger, I always drempt of becoming an attorney. Although I always wrote stories. I just never really thought of that as a career choice. Now I am older and I wonder.

Someone asked me what I want. Besides the typical list of riches, houses, cars, jewelry and other crazy meaningless possessions, I also responded with, "To be anonymously famous." With a confused expression received after such a statement, I am left to explain.

I want people to know me, but not really know who I am. You know, to be extremely famous with no public life figure. I could be Camlaw, the infamous writer, known around the globe for their works, but no one has ever met them in person. Okay, so I would have to pick a different pen name. But other than that, I think that would be awesome! In the meantime, I shall continue to dream.

Of course, to achieve such a goal I would have to have more confident in my writing. Maybe it is a maturity thing. Hell, who knows?

My Sister, The Jail Bird

So my 17 year old sister is crazy! That is the only way I can explain her ridiculous behavior. Well, that and the fact that Homophobic Narrow-minded Person is right. She is back on drugs. It all began last year.

Before Christmas she and this idiotic male friend of her's shoplifted from Wal-Mart. Of course, they were caught. She stole batteries. BATTERIES! They were for her little walkman CD player. She had asked our mother to buy some and my mother said they needed to see how much money they had after the bought the groceries & stuff they needed. Well, she took that as a NO and decided to steal them. Since she was a minor, they banned her form the Wal-mart and she attended Teen Court for the offense. She was given X amount of hours of community service and X amount of times she had to participate at Teen Court as a juror.

I was a juror at Teen Court when I was like 14 or so. I was a volunteer though. I know! I am such a nerd. But I wanted as much experience with the law & court system as I could get (without becoming a criminal) since I was planning on becoming an attorney. Still do someday I guess.

Anyway, my sister did the teen court appearances, but never got around to doing the community service. At first she blew it off with the excuse of having enough time to do it later. Then when later came and went, she couldn't find a cushy enough place to allow her to work. The animal shelter she did community service at before, no longer allowed underage people to work there. And then once the other places found out she was caught stealing, they didn't want her there either (like Goodwill or Salvation Army). And heaven forbid if she was gone pick up trash or do anything else that required REAL work.

Eventually, as most idiots tend to do, she got into MORE trouble with the law. First with truancy from skipping the self paced high school she begged us to let her attend. Then later with a curfew ticket she got when she stole Mom's car one night while Mom was sleeping and refused to appear in court for. She has had more court appearances this year than I can keep up with. She once bragged that she knew more about the criminal justice system than I do. Interesting! I have a Bachelor's Degree in C.J. I responded, "She may know more about the punishment phase than I do." Like that is something to brag about?!

So here it is July and my sister has STILL not done the community service she was supposed to. She had until mid-March to have it completed. When she failed to do so, they kicked her case back to adult court from juvenile court. When she went back to adult court, they gave her X amount of time to get the community service done or she would be sent to REAL jail and not Juvie since she is now 17 years old.

At another one of her court appearances (this one for truancy), they ordered my sister to stop attending high school (she was barely a sophomore) and enroll in GED courses. She was given a specific date to reappear in court with her GED. At that time Mom told the judge she found some rolling papers in my sister's room so the judge ordered my sister to submit a urine analysis at the end of the week. If she refused or didn't pass, they would suspend her license. She refused to take the UA, admitting to Mom that she was smoking marijuana again.

Again, leaving things to the last minute, my sister reappeared in court with no GED. She attended the courses and was ready to take the test. Of course, she waited until the Friday before her court appearance to find out about how, what, where to take the GED test. Turns out that the test in only offered on Wednesdays, at the city University and enrollment is only done on the Tuesday before. The test costs $85, which she does not have. And, of course, they were due in court on Wednesday, so taking the course before appearing in court was out of the question.

Anyway, the court extended time for my sister to get her GED and said that she owed a $500 fine for the truancy. They totally forgot about suspending her license. They stated that if she refused to pay the fine she could be sent to jail as well. My sister wasn't sure if the judge meant real jail or juvie.

Eventually at one of her other court appearances they did suspend her license and ordered her to get a job and pay $100 of her fine by June 30th. Well, my dumb ass sister began talking to her so-called "friends". They convinced her that she should just pay off her community service and fines by sitting them out in jail. Jail is no big deal, according to them.

So when my sister attended court on Wednesday for the theft, she told the judge she wanted to go to jail and sit out her community service. Well, the judge said they needed a warrant. Turns out she already had one from the failure to appear in court for the curfew ticket she received. So off to jail she went.

She was released from jail this morning. Mom had gone to Wal-mart and when she returned home my sister was there. She walked most of the way home until someone picked her up. She is saying that she is going to get a job and pay off her remaining fines. I guess jail was not as easy as she thought. Unfortunately, she has a very short memory so I will believe her plans when I actually them executed.

Sad really. Just plain sad!