Is That Me?!

Have you ever amazed yourself? You know, realized something about yourself that was a total shock & surprise, in a good way I mean. Like for instance, my writing sometimes amazes me. I will go back and read a journal entry or email or whatever and wonder, "Is that me?"

Not too long ago I stumbled across a few term papers I wrote in college. When I sat to read them I was truly blown away. They were organized, intelligent, and thought provoking. I don't remember ever being so articulate in college. Hell, I sometimes wonder if I am even all that articulate today.

Don't get me wrong. I have confidence in myself. Hell, sometimes I tend to come off too arrogant when I discuss a subject I am passionate and very knowledgeable about. Plus, I have always known that my best form of communication is through the written word. I don't get tongue tied when writing or become overly shy. I'm not nervous or anxious and can keep myself from wandering off topic.

Oh when I am speaking, I tend to stray...no...aimlessly wander away from the original subject. I'm not as bad I used to be. It was once pointed out to me that I do that as a defense mechanism. That early in life I began to stray off topics that bothered me, and now I tend to do it with everything. For example:

"You know I went to grocery store today after work and ran into an old friend of mine from highschool. We ran into each in the produce aisle. You know they're having this special on strawberries. I think I spent forever in the fruit section. And then of course the stupid misting system came on and scared the crap out of me. Why is it that some places have those misting systems and others don't? I mean is their produce superior and thus not requiring such treatment? And what happens when we are under a drought. Do they get fined for watering their produce?..." And I will just continue talking from there. Then finally I will realize I strayed off topic and go, "But anyway, what was I originally talking about?"

Written form keeps me focused. Plus I can express myself easier. I have no problem getting my point across. And obviously I not only come off intelligent, but leave little doubt as such. Even though I know my blogs may not reveal that. SHUT UP HOMOPHOBIC NARROW-MINDED PERSON AND JOE (A.K.A. GAY BOYFRIEND)!!!!!

When I was younger, I always drempt of becoming an attorney. Although I always wrote stories. I just never really thought of that as a career choice. Now I am older and I wonder.

Someone asked me what I want. Besides the typical list of riches, houses, cars, jewelry and other crazy meaningless possessions, I also responded with, "To be anonymously famous." With a confused expression received after such a statement, I am left to explain.

I want people to know me, but not really know who I am. You know, to be extremely famous with no public life figure. I could be Camlaw, the infamous writer, known around the globe for their works, but no one has ever met them in person. Okay, so I would have to pick a different pen name. But other than that, I think that would be awesome! In the meantime, I shall continue to dream.

Of course, to achieve such a goal I would have to have more confident in my writing. Maybe it is a maturity thing. Hell, who knows?