The Stupid Games That People Play

I want it all to stop. The anger and hurt feelings and games and frustration. All of it. I just want it to be over. And I keep trying. I try to ignore him, not engage him, keep to myself and not deal with him. But it is very difficult with him sitting 4 desks away, walking by my desk several times a day, talking way too loud across the room to everyone we work with with such fake friendliness and sending me obnoxious instant messages like he did last night after I left. It's all mind games and I'm sick of it.

[Sat 03/21] Joe (8:01:11 PM): you dint send me a q to let me know you were leavin

I got this instant message this afternoon when I logged in at work. Why on earth would I want to have any further communication with Joe after the blow up we had? I was trying to get out of there last night before I did something that would cost me my job. I notified our other co-worker of my leaving as a common courtesy. Joe could've gone and fucked himself for all I cared. I started to respond that I'm sick of his games, but I decided not to. Responding would just be inviting more of the same bullshit.

What I don't understand is that HE ended the friendship. I finally accepted it 2 months later and have done everything I can to respect his decision and stay away from him. I don't call him, send text messages, talk to him at work, or bother him in anyway. Yet he still treats me with such disdain. I didn't end the friendship, he did. I fought for 2 months to reconcile and he refused. So why am I the bad guy?

My mom told me she was proud of me last night. She said most people would be vindictive and bitter and try to go after the people that hurt them. I told her that I never thought of doing any harm to him or his property until recently when all I want to do is punch him in the face. But that is a provoked response to his behavior towards me and not my usual nature. And I have been very successful in not fulfilling the violent urge. Although last night I was really tempted to just go for it. The smug bastard.

I told EJ last night that I want him knocked down a peg or two. Not like sick or hurt or anything, but just have something happen where he will stop bothering me. Whether it's a self revelation or someone putting him in his place. Just whatever it takes for him to be a fucking human being towards me and not a complete asshole. EJ told me I needed to confront him in the parking lot. I told her all that will do is add fuel the fire. Cause every time I have tried to talk to him before, his behavior towards me just got worse. She ended up agreeing with me.

So far today has been okay. Although the rumor mill has started. Supposedly the rumor is I just walked out last night. Like I just left without the boss' knowledge or something. I told 2 people what had happened but I'm curious to see how the rumor mill spins the tale tomorrow.

Joe and I have not spoken to one another and he has pretty much stayed quietly at his desk. I have my headphones on so that I don't have to hear his voice or overhear any of his personal conversations. Just 4 more hours left of my shift and then I can escape until tomorrow. I can't wait!