Friends No More

I won't go into some long winded explanation. The following should be self explanatory.

My Instant Message:

Camlaw (10:25:59 AM): I called you last night to talk, but you were so upset over the husband that I decided it wasn't a good time.

Camlaw (10:27:13 AM): Baby Sister's dad died on Monday. I did not find out til I got to work yesterday. Seems they all thought I was at work and did not even bother to call my cell or anything.

Camlaw (10:28:42 AM): Anyway, the funeral is tomorrow. I was just going to take tomorrow off & attend but then my mother was hounding me last night about the funeral. She wants to go but Baby Sister is not going to take her so I have to.

Camlaw (10:29:45 AM): Which means I have to drive to ???? today & pick mom up and bring her to spend the night. Then tomorrow after the funeral I need take her back home.

Camlaw (10:32:26 AM): I am not sure how I feel about his passing away. He was always kind to me and he sincerely told me time & time again how proud he was of me. He was no blood relation but I was important to him. I am just kind of torn over the whole thing.

Camlaw (10:34:15 AM): So I have errands to run today. Things to do before I make the trip to ???? and deal with my grieving mother. They have been divorced for about 15 years but she is so sad.

Camlaw (11:01:13 AM): I really needed a friend last night. But I realize that it can't be you. You have the husband now and there is no room for me anymore. This self doubt and anger I feel needs to end. You have no idea what is going on with me and truth be told you don't care to know. Your whole world right now is the husband. And I can't keep hoping for little scraps of your attention and then get disappointed when all our time is spent talking about the husband. I am really trying to be here for you, but right now it is costing me too much.

Camlaw (11:06:22 AM): So I decided to distance myself further from you. I will not call or email you again. You need this time to deal with your new life with the husband and I need to deal with the loss of my best friend. I'm not saying we will never talk, and if you truly need me I am here for you. But I realize that you don't need me. Never have. And right now I see my presence in your life more as a burden than a blessing. And the last thing I want to be is a burden to anyone.

Camlaw (11:09:24 AM): So take care. I hope things get better for you and that you find the happiness you so richly deserve.


Joe's response:

I guess I failed at bein your friend as bad as I failed bein a husband and a general all around good guy from what you tell me that everyone says bout me....I am tired of tryin so I guess it'll be best to be on my own for a while...check your trash can lid in the garage...you have no more obligation toward me.


My response:

I found the keys. I didn't ask for them and was hoping I wouldn't get them back. I can't say I didn't react badly and scare the shit out of my mother though, but I got them.

YOU ARE NOT A BAD GUY! Nor a bad husband. The husband had problems LONG before he met you. Please don't make his problems and issues about you. I think it is WONDERFUL how much you love & care for him. I wish I had someone that devoted to me.

And who says you are not a good guy? The idiots at work? You come off as callous and aloof at times. Easy to dismiss someone if they make you mad. So what?! Fuck them! I'm the loud mouth, horrible bitch in their eyes and I could care less. Like any of them are some kind of prize!?

You didn't fail me. You just aren't here anymore. And I am hurting. The husband is your world now & there is no room for me. Everything changed so suddenly. One minute I was your best friend and the next I felt completely abandoned & alone. And the worst part is every time I tried to talk about it with you, we just fought. And then I felt worse cause you have enough shit to deal without me adding to your grief. Besides you made it perfectly clear that it was MY problem.

You were NEVER an obligation, Joe. The truth is I have a lot on mixed emotions about our friendship right now. I feel angry because you have no time for me. I feel guilty for not understanding your new priorities. I feel insecure about what I mean to you. I feel hurt that you spend all your time talking to me about the husband yet he knows next to nothing about me. I feel worried that our friendship is one-sided. I feel scared that while I try to get my head on straight and work out all my feelings, you'll discover how unnecessary I am in your life and never speak to me again. I feel devestated because while I am struggling to hang on to our friendship, you seem to be able to just walk away.

I care about you. I truly love you. But obviously that just isn't enough....