Fighting to Save a Friendship

Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) and I had a fight last night at work. Things are strained between him and the husband and I was trying to get him to be more open. The husband is going through a really tough time right now and did some things in reaction to it. I told Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) that although the husband's behavior is not necessarily right, it is definitely understandable. The husband is freaking out and Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) needs to be understanding of what he is going through. That you can't predict how someone is going to react to things. I explained that Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) has a tendency to just shut people out when they don't react or do things the way he thinks they should. That he makes it impossible sometimes to deal with and he should not be so quick to throw away his chance at happiness because things are difficult right now.

Words were exchanged and Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) ended up asking me if he was such a piece of shit then why was I even friends with him. I told him it was because of the things he does for me. That seemed to just offend him. I asked him if he realized that I talk about him so much that people tend to think he's my actual boyfriend. That he's so important to me and that I love him dearly.

He told me he had some thinking to do and I went back to my desk to give him some space. Because I am so much better expressing myself in the written form instead of the the verbal one, I ended up sending this instant message to answer his question of why he is my friend:

Camlaw(11:50:27 PM): I love you because I think you are funny and smart and have a tremendous heart. You make me laugh, you make me think, you teach me things and you push me at times when I really need it. You have been there for me when I had no other family or friends. You do things for me because I need them done even when I don't realize that I do. I often wonder why you are MY friend because I don't think I provide a 1/4 of the things that you provide to me. I sometimes think I am not good enough to be your friend. And maybe that is why I am so worried that it will be so easy for you to end our friendship which means the world to me.

Camlaw(12:02:12 AM): YOU ARE NOT A PIECE OF SH!T... Don't ever think that. You are just sometimes hard to understand and that makes it difficult for people (ME) to interact with you. And instead of trying to communicate with them, you shut them out. I know I have issues. We all have issues. But please don't turn your back on me or any one else because things are hard or dramatic or not easily worked out.

He did not respond and we spent the rest of the night at our individual desks in an awkward silence. Which was immediately noticed by Fashion Show. She sent me a message asking me if we were okay and I responded that we were fine. I hate hashing all this shit out at work because it really should be between the 2 of us. But that is the only time I ever see or speak to Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) lately.

Towards the end of our shift I decided to ask my boss if I could leave early. I took an hour trade time. I couldn't imagine walking to the car with Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) after the heated exchange we had. Before I left I sent him this last instant message.


Camlaw(6:30:02 AM): I'm leaving now. Take care. Have fun at the concert. I'm here if you need me or just want to talk. See you in 2 weeks. I'll miss you!

I hope things can be worked out between him and the husband. I also hope that we can resolve things between us and get back on track. I feel like he is slipping away from me and I am fighting like hell to save our friendship. I can't imagine him not being a part of my life and I don't want to.