Green Eyed Monster? I Think Not!

Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) still has not read my email. He accused me of being jealous of the husband. And although we have spent all night talking on the phone last night, he still is no closer to understanding my feelings. I'm just so frustrated over the whole thing.

I’m not jealous. I’m hurt. If I were jealous, I wouldn’t want him to spend any time with the husband. I would resent the husband for monopolizing all of Joe’s (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) thoughts and time. But that’s not the case. I’m pissed off that the husband had access to my text messages to Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend). I’m angry that the husband thought it was okay to speak to me that way. It makes me wonder what Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) has said to him about me to make the husband think it was okay to treat me that way. I’m hurt that Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) keeps blowing off reading my emails like my feelings don’t matter.

It’s because I’m so lost right now that I made a decision. I need some space from Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend). I got to figure out how to get over our fight and accept the fact that things have changed between us whether he wants to acknowledge it or not. Plus I need to get used to not having him constantly available to me anymore. Learn how to be completely alone again.

So I changed my work schedule for 2 weeks starting Jan 5th. We won’t see each other at work at all during that time. In addition, I’m going to try to limit my phone calls and text messages to him. I need to get my head on straight before this thing makes me even crazier than it already has.