Independent or Artistic or Both

Two movies: Requiem For A Dream and Donnie Darko...

A few weeks ago, I joined Netflix. A co-worker told me about the company months ago and at the time I was not interested. I have been buying the movies I was interested in seeing through my Columbia House membership. The problem is I have some really lame movies and no room to house them all. I used to just buy the movies I really loved and I wanted to get back to that. So I joined Netflix to be able to rent movies and watch them when ever I wanted to. Plus this way if I find one I really like, I can buy my own copy afterwards.

Anyway, I have rented four movies so far. The latest 2 are the ones I listed above. I think when I picked these 2 movies to watch together some sort of cosmic influence came into play. It definitely couldn't have been a mere coincidence. For those of you that have not seen these movies, I will not get too detailed with their plots. I hate when people ruin a movie for me by doing that.

Requiem For A Dream stars actors Jared Leto, Marlon Wayans, Jennfier Connelly, Christopher McDonald and Ellen Burstyn. The movie's description is as follows:

Evoking the inner landscape of human beings longing to connect, to love and feel loved, is this parable of happiness gloriously found and tragically lost. Parallel stories are linked by the relationship between the lonely, widowed Sara Goldfard and her sweet but aimless son, Harry. The plump Sara, galvanized by the prospect of appearing on a TV game show, has started on a dangerous diet regimen to beautify herself for a national audience. Meanwhile, Harry and his new girlfriend Marion Silver form close bonds with each looking to the other to redeem years of isolation and pain. Their love forms an artificial refuge. After Harry and his best friend Tyrone C. Love successfully launch themselves as drug dealers, the three young people feel invincible. Lulled by early victories, Sara, Harry, Marion and Tyrone convince themselves that unforeseen setbacks are just temporary--until they're plunged into delusion and desperation.

Donnie Darko stars actors Jake Gyllenhaal, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Mary McDonnell, Patrick Swayze, Drew Barrymore and Noah Wylie among several other relatively know actors. This movie's discription is as follows:

Some may think that Donnie Darko is a typical maladjusted teenager. Actually, Donnie is borderline delusional, beset by visions of a monstrous rabbit which is trying to keep him under its sinister influence. Prompted by this apparition, Donnie commits antisocial acts while he is undergoing psychotherapy, surviving the vagaries of high-school life and romance, and fortuitously escaping a bizarre death from a falling jet engine. Donnie battles his demons, literally and figuratively, in a series of intertwining story lines that deal with fundamentalist gurus, fate, predestination and the machinations of the universe.

Both movies contained info-mercials. One with the acronym name 'J.U.I.C.E.' and the other 'No Fear' which was kind of funny and sad when you think about it. Movies reflect real life (even if askewed). The fact that both of these movies contained info-mercials that their characters were obsessed with is just scary. And they were a recurring theme throughout the movies. Almost a character themselves.

But to me Requiem For A Dream was extreme...kind of over the top in my opinion. I mean I am sure that those things can happen, but all at once and to all of them? A friend of mind said that he found it pretty realistic. I will have to take his word for it since he knows more about that world than I do. It is a good movie to show impressionable young teens to prevent drug use however. "Look what happens when you take drugs! You lose EVERYTHING!" Much better than a smashed up egg.

Donnie Darko was drenched with symbolism. From the music, to the scene settings, to the background. It all had meaning and I missed about 90% of it. I realized this when I went back & rewatched the movie with the director's commentary (on the director's cut version). The commentary had Kevin Smith and the director Richard Kelly narrating. The commentary was very enlightening and entertaining, and like Kevin Smith admitted very dummifying (not sure if a word, but going with it). When Richard Kelly started discussing the multitude of meanings in each scene, I felt totally clueless. I was wondering what movie I actually watched cause I got almost NONE of the things he was trying to convey.

So is that what makes it an independent film or artistic film or both? When the meaning of the film can be interpreted different ways? I mean usually an independent film is one made on a low budget without studio assistance or backing. That means no influence on (or meddling with) the film's direction to make it a commercial success. Also they have to rely on the actors' actual performance instead of props and flash for telling their story.

Artistic films to me usually mean something completely off the wall that only a few people can understand and embrace. They are not for the masses, but those that can appreciate their uniqueness. I usually feel too common and uncultured to appreciate their beauty. That or they really are horrible junk and no one wants to admit it. You know, there is usually this air of pretension that comes along with the "appreciation" of artistic films. Like those of us that cannot understand or dislike these films lack some sort of higher breeding or education or taste. To mean art has no clear cut definition, just like the normal.

But however you feel about these films, it is like everything else. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Shades Of Gray

I have a headache. I believe it was brought on by my argument early this morning (1 am-ish) with homophobic narrow minded person. Of course the argument was a result of a political "discussion" which we will never agree. He is a republican with strong beliefs and admits that his morality is superior than others on certain things. He feels that certain items are cut & dry, black and white...no shades of gray. And of course I vehemently disagree.

Everything is shades of gray. And I do not feel that my morals are superior to anyone else's. I believe that many of those that find their morals superior than others tend to justify their illegal behavior (i.e. bombing federal buildings and abortion clinics, bashing gays, lynching African Americans) on that moral superiority.

We discussed abortion, child molestation, Osama Bin Laudin, federal and state laws...you know the usual light subjects in the political arena. At one point I found one of homophobic narrow minded person's statements utterly ridiculous and cracked up laughing. He took major offense to that. He even asked me if I would apologize for it. I didn't. Not because I wanted to offend him, but because I don't find it necessary to apologize for my beliefs and reactions.

We discussed the reflection and influence of our (i.e. America's) laws on societal morals and vice versa. He believes in individual state laws dictating moral laws (such as abortion) instead of federal laws. That if you do not like certain laws of a state you should move to a place where you are surrounded by more like minded people. Sounds like an argument supporting segregation and intolerance, which are things we have fought against for decades and which cost the lives of Martin Luther King Jr and Robert Kennedy.

I now truly know why politics and religion are such taboo subjects. There is no absolute solution to our differences. The best we can do is compromise and respect one another's beliefs...dictate within certain agreed upon parameters what moral paths each person can choose to follow. Because beliefs only become harmful when you try to enforce them on someone else with action.

Miracles Never Cease...

When I first graduated from college, my credit was shot. I was in debt 3 feet above my head and the first couple of jobs I had didn't even put a minor dent in it. I lived in a closet of an apartment furnished with the junk pieces I was able to find while I was in college.

At one point I went to Consumer Credit Counseling for help. They told me I did not make enough to cover all my bills. (Duh!) They would only put two of my credit cards in there service (they don't do that anymore - it's either all or nothing). I picked the two cards that were giving me the most trouble. They had become completely out of control due to late fees, then eventually over the limit fees, and finally collection calls. It took me years but those cards are now paid for and long gone.

In the 10 years (yep May 2006 will be 10 years) since I graduated college, I have paid off my car, student loans, all of my credit cards and now only have debt between $3000-$4000 that I have acquired in the last year. I have a great paying job & I'm finally in a place where I can afford to buy the house I've always wanted.

When I look back to 10 years ago, I thought I'd never be at this point in my life. I felt that it would take some kind of miracle. Well, I guess miracles never cease. Here I am, able to buy the things I really want or need...able to help out my friends and family...able to shop for a house and new car without fear of how I am going to pay for it. It's a wonderful place to be.

So for those of you that asked why I am able to buy a $950 elliptical exercise machine, help my mother with her bills, and pay $700+ for the health care of Oliver, it is because I now can. I sacrificed all those years to get here. And besides I am smart with my money. I have 2 savings accounts, a nice growing 401k, and I work hard everyday.

By no means am I miss money bags, as Joe likes to call me. But I make purchases and charge things that I know I can pay off in a timely manner. No big mystery there. So stop asking me if I robbed a bank, won the lottery or just inherited some money. Cause even if any of these items did occur the last thing I would do is admit it. Geez!

Contagious

My PC is now sick. Last night I tried to use it and it kept rebooting itself. It would go through the usual routine and then all of sudden bring up an error message. Shortly afterwards a smaller window would appear saying it needed to reboot in 30+ seconds. It just kept doing this over and over again. I was finally able to shut it down instead of it rebooting for the umpteenth time. I am now having to use my laptop.

I told Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) about my PC problems. He told me to bring it to him to look at it. He is a computer fanatic. He has like 20 computers or some such nonsense at his house (okay it is more like 8). And every time I turn around he has his eye on purchasing another one.

So I disconnected my PC, put the system in a large Old Navy bag, and hauled it up to work. Not exactly a light item. So hopefully Joe will have it fixed and working properly by Monday. If not I still have my laptop to tide me over. But I got to thinking. Did my PC get sick from me?

I know that my sinus infection was caused by my allergies and not something contagious, but it just seems so odd that my PC became sick the same time I did. Yeah, I know. I sound crazy. And maybe it is the lack of sleep and the drugs that has me contemplating such strange things. But I have also watched enough strange phenomenon on television that I cannot up and totally dismiss the possibility. Besides, I saw Stephen King's Maximum Overdrive. And we all know that Stephen King is so intuitive.

My doctor suggested I go back to my cardio and weight training. One, cause I have gained some weight (stupid holidays) and two, cause I was a lot less stressed and happier when I was on a routine exercise program. So last night I started looking for an elliptical machine. I ended up on http://www.homefitnessclub.com/ and they have some reasonably priced machines. I contemplated joining another gym, but I got such the run around last time I belonged to one. Between the crooked trainers, the questionable staff, and then the change in ownership I was totally turned against gyms all together. And they are usually just a meat market for picking people up anyway. :-( Not interested!

Wouldn't it be cool if you could send your computer to a gym? Bulk it up so it has more of a natural resistance to viruses and whatnot? What? That is what Mac Afee and Norton are for? Whatever! I like the image of my computer struggling to lift weights. TWO MORE...ONE MORE!

Hello. My Name Is Camlaw And...

I am an addict. Not in the traditional sense mind you. I don't drink and have never done illegal drugs. But I have my addictions just the same. Caffeine, Little Debbie Snacks, Sudoku, Yahoo What Word game...the list just goes on and on. I know you guys are thinking that these are lame things to be addicted to, but trust me they can be just as costly and dangerous as the usual addictions.

I am sick again. I went to the doctor today and was informed I have a minor sinus infection. Damn allergies! Have missed the last 2 days of work over this crap. But anyway that is not the point. On my way home, I stopped at the Best Buy because the fifth/final season of Queer As Folk was scheduled to be released today. Here I am. I have a sore chest, runny nose, crazy head ache...roaming the aisles determined to get my copy of one of my favorite shows. I asked 2 different clerks, waited forever for them to search the entire store for a copy. None could be found. I left the store upset and determined to find out what the hell was going on.

I stopped next door at Pets Mart and got Oliver some cat food. I had ran out last night and he was not happy this morning when I had no wet food to give him. He would not let me rest until he got his wet food. He isn't spoiled. Nope. Not at all.

Anyway, I immediately got online (well after I fed Oliver first) to research the whereabouts of QAF. Seems the release date has been changed to May 9th. WHAT THE ??? And on top of that, there is no mention of extras being part of this final season. Talk about some irate fans. You gonna shell out $80+ (yeah, you read right) for the DVDs and not have any extras? They better use that extended time to throw some extras on there. DAMMIT! I mean seeing my favorite guys naked and the constant penis parade is a good incentive to buy it already, but I want more.

So what about this ordeal makes me an addict? Uh hello?! I am SICK and still at the store looking for something that is surely going to be there later when I am well. I walked the ENTIRE store then asked 2 clerks for assistance. I got online to research where the DVDs are and now I have a count down to the new release date. Oh I didn't mention that part? Well...um...anyway.

It's like when I scrounge around work looking for 85 cents to buy myself a coke out of the machine. "I only got 62 cents. Can anyone loan me the remaining 23 cents? Anyone? Come on. A nickel? Dime? Hello?"

Or when I spend hours playing the Yahoo What Word online game determined to get to the highest level, whatever the hell that is. Or that I have Sudoku books all over my apartment and at my desk at work so I can play it no matter where I am. Or when I wake at 3AM craving a Little Debbie oatmeal creme pie and raid my pantry til I find one.

And don't even get in my way when I need my fix, when my mind is set to fulfill my latest craving or longing no matter what the cost. Cause I may not only cut you, but mutilate and possibly kill you if you stand in my way. Not a threat. Just a warning.