Jonesing Like A Crack Addict

I am completely out of vacation time at work. Most of the people in my crew are. We all are just itching to take some time off. Luckily vacation time starts over on Sunday. Just one more day to suffer through.

One co-worker said she would try to save her time this year instead of blowing through it like a crack addict. We all laughed at her analogy but damn if it isn't pretty accurate. You should see those of us with no time left. Our eyes are bugging out and we are just looking for some kind of way to get time off. We start negotiating with our bosses. "Hey man! I'll make it up next week. Come on. Hook me up!"

This morning I woke up with this massive headache. So did a couple of my co-workers. We all talked about calling in today, but not being able to because we have no vacation time left. One lady said she did not care, that is how badly she felt. I told her I could totally relate, but they already have my ass in a sling for my attendance. I cannot take any chances with my job. Especially since I am trying to transfer out of my crew.

So I am gonna wait until after Sunday to begin calling in for days off. That same co-worker with the crack addict analogy already has like 3 days scheduled off the first week of January. So much for saving her time.

I HATE....

I HATE moody fucking people. The sad thing is I am pretty moody myself. I try to be understanding, but it just drains the hell out of ya'.

And the severely moody need a serious ass kicking. I try to give them a little time to get their shit together. I even warn them. "You got until X amount of time and then you need to snap out of it."

I work with a very moody guy. One minute he's all smiles and giddy, the next he's angry and bitchy and miserable to be around. Usually this happened when he would try to multi-task or if things did not work exactly as he thought they should. When we were on the same shift, I would give him a couple of hours. Then if his bad mood continued, I would give him that little warning. Most of the time it worked because I don't think he realized what an ass he was being.

Today I was talking to homophobic narrow-minded person. I am sure I said or did something to annoy him. But instead of just saying, "look you are getting on my last nerve" he is acting all moody and distant. Which I guess in his mind is nicer than telling me to fuck off.

Hell, I know I can be overbearing. And I can certainly work a nerve without meaning to. But I like people to be honest with me. He should say, "Look, you are annoying the fuck out of me. How about I call you when I am ready to talk again?" But then again that is more of what a woman might do instead of a man.

The funny thing is most of the moody people I encounter happen to be the same astrological sign as I am. Not that I follow astrology closely or anything, but I think it has some merit. The only other person I ever knew that was more moody than an Aries was my friend that was a Cancer. Man, she would go from one extreme to another with no kind of warning.

So I guess I will give homophobic narrow-minded person some space. Let him call me when he decides I am worth his time. I chase no one...well except maybe Oliver. But then no one else!

Unexpected Coma

I worked both Christmas Eve and Christmas day. I also celebrated with my family both nights after work. In my last blog, I spoke about my blood curdling scream that I suspected was a result from the treacherous holiday. But I did not realize how worn out I was from the holidays.

Shortly after I posted yesterday, I went back to bed. Saying I went back to sleep is an understatement. I actually think I slipped into some sort of coma. I was out of it all day. When I tried to awaken, I was dizzy and weak and barely able to move. I eventually stumbled to the bathroom and then staggered back to bed. I did not eat but somewhere during the bathroom trip was able to feed Oliver.

Today I did not feel much better. I forced myself to try to function. I finally ate. Tried to watch a little television, but I felt so sickly and exhausted. I realized I had not taken my blood pressure meds. So I took my medication and slept for a couple of hours.

I am finally beginning to feel normal again. I did not realize how hard I had been pushing myself. It was like a flash back of sorts. This was how I felt shortly before I ended up hospitalized last year. The last thing I want is to end up back where I was.

It is time for new year resolutions. Last year I pledged to change my life style..work less and take care of myself more. Over the past couple of months I forgot about that. I guess now is a good time as any to renew that promise to myself. And I am gonna rely on you guys to keep me from straying. OK?

I Survived Christmas Oh-Five

I woke up this morning screaming. One of those blood curdling screams too. The kind that people make to release their frustrations. It was early...like around 5 AM. I wonder what my neighbors thought?

I decided my scream was a result of having survived a very stressful month/holiday. Between work and family I am surprised I did not have a total mental melt down. Let me explain the craziness my life has been the past month.

Shortly after the Thanksgiving holidays, one of my co-workers began planning our work crew's Christmas celebration. She sent out emails asking if and how many people would like to participate in a secret Santa or white elephant (also known as Chinese Christmas) gift exchange. She planned a menu and also decided on what kind of group gift we should give our two bosses. She formed a committee where I and another crew member were involuntarily volunteered to participate. Then she went out on disability.

This left me and the other person to execute her plans. It was decided that not only would we celebrate the upcoming December holidays but also all the December birthdays as well. A deadline was given as to when each crew member that wanted to participate in a group gift to the bosses needed to have their money turned in (which happened to fall on the Monday after payday). These decisions were made by the other co-worker and the one on disability. Then the other member of the party planning committee went out sick.

With all the plans made it was left up to me to execute them. I typed up a list for the "spread" to pass around for everyone to sign up for what items they planned on bringing. I went to each co-worker and shook them down for their group gift money. And I got everyone's money too. I was nicknamed "The Enforcer" and joked that I could be a collector for the Mafia.

I answered any and all questions in regards to the plans and details of the upcoming festivities. And tried my best to keep everything organized and on track while the other two members of the so-called planning committee were away. Also my shift changed from nights to the early mornings, which totally sucked since I am NOT a morning person at all.

In the mean time, I had my own personal holiday preparations to attend to. I had to shop, bake, decorate, send out Christmas cards, and try to make arrangements for my entire family to get together. I wrapped and shipped off gifts to friends. I took care of a sick Oliver. My car was in and out of the shop. I learned I had to work the entire holiday and still make time to celebrate with my family. There was my sister's birthday. The adjustment to my new work hours and decisions to be made in regards to my work and family holiday parties.

I just kept pushing myself. Despite the unappreciative responses and endless compromises. Because I am a glutton for punishment. Or maybe because I continue to live up to this unrealistic expectation of myself to give others the best possible holiday...no matter what the expense to myself.

So when it all ended I guess my body finally snapped. Screamed away all the bottled up frustrations and anger cooped up the past few weeks. But the really sad thing is I will forget all about it next year. And instead of taking this as a learning experience, I will more than likely use it as a reference to push myself harder to do even more next year.

Dear Lord! I need someone to save me from myself.

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

I never seem to learn my lesson. I know I said several blogs ago that I was not going to bother to participate in the gluttony of this holiday, but I changed my mind. Now I wish I had stuck to my original plan.

It began with my Christmas cards. Everyone in my state that I give a Christmas card to gets two $1 scratch offs. Getting a Christmas card is great, but one with scratch offs is really fun as well. Most people love the opportunity to win a little money. And it is the perfect gift for those that you have no clue what to get them. This year not many people won. Some were grateful for the opportunity to win, while many others complained about wasting their time on loser tickets. I know they were somewhat joking, but I heard it so many times from so many different people that I began to regret sending them anything at all.

Next, I went all over the metroplex buying gifts for my loved ones & friends. I came across these fun little fact oriented books to send to the 2 guys that constantly debate each other on my blog. I thought it would be funny. I also wanted to surprise them and maybe brighten up their holiday a little. It is nice to know that others are thinking of you, even when you do not realize it.

Finally, I spent endless hours baking cookies to put in tins as gifts. When I was younger, a friend of mine's grandmother used to make all sorts of cookies to give to all her neighbors and friends. She would bake for days and they were always so delicious and appreciated. When she passed away, it was one of those traditions that died with her. Now that I am an adult, I decided to take up the tradition myself. Unfortunately, I did not receive the same kind of responses that she did.

When I came into work this morning, I had a message pop up on my screen from UNIONGEN asking why I sent him cookies when he cannot eat them. The question came across as rude and hurtful. Here I had spent hours baking several different kinds of cookies. I wanted to share them with my friends. I had NEVER expected any one of them to complain about receiving such a heart felt gift. I responded to his message which obviously showed how bothered I was by his behavior. The following conversation took place several hours later:

Just enjoying the Ride!!!(14:34:39): I did not mean it that way...It just I was not expecting it...and Thank you. It was very nice of you....
Camlaw(14:34:53): :- (
Camlaw(14:35:33): The pop up I got this morning was really rude. And hurtful. I was trying to be nice and it appeared like I wasted my time.
Camlaw(14:37:05): I debated on sending the cookies, but I thought you could share them with your "friend" or whom ever.
Just enjoying the Ride!!!(14:37:09): It was not meant to be rude or hurtful and I'm VERY sorry for that....It was just so out of the blue...Did not know what to think of it at 1st....was not even expecting it....
Camlaw(14:37:32): I thought about your diabetes, but one or two cookies would not kill ya
Just enjoying the Ride!!!(14:38:03): this is true....
Camlaw(14:38:06): What was there to think about? I sent you a harmless book and cookies. It is not like I sent ya' a dead rat or something.
Camlaw(14:38:30): Plus I sent you a Christmas card. Did you even get that?
Just enjoying the Ride!!!(14:38:58): Yes and I thanked you for that weeks ago when I got it.....
Camlaw(14:39:21): Did you win?
Camlaw(14:39:47): I do not remember getting that thank you....
Just enjoying the Ride!!!(14:40:45): no I did not....I sent you a "too bad I did not win and thanks for the card...."
Camlaw(14:41:44): Well, like I said. I tried to be nice for the holiday and I just get crapped on....I learned my lesson.
Just enjoying the Ride!!!(14:42:29): Well I am sorry for the reaction...but if your going to play this guilt trip thing......I just hope you have a nice holiday.....
Camlaw(14:43:24): I am not trying to lay a guilt trip, but you really offended me and I am not going to automatically change my feelings just cause you finally apologized.
Camlaw(14:43:33): I have been sitting on this ALL day!
Camlaw(14:44:00): And happy holidays to you as well. :- (

When did being nice to someone automatically mean you have some sort of agenda? I am very generous with others. And I love to surprise people. There is such ugliness and negativity in the world that I like to try to bring a little joy and happiness to those I care about. I am not expecting much in return. Maybe a little recognition and appreciation. Last month UNIONGEN was having a rough time of it. I thought my gift would let him know that he is cared for and lift his spirits.

Maybe it is a male thing. Joe (gay boyfriend) says it is a guilt thing. That these people tend to only give to others when there is some thing in it for them. I hate to believe that, but maybe he is right.

To my surprise homophobic narrow-minded person took my gift rather well. I sent him the exact same thing as UNIONGEN. He joked that maybe they could trade books when they are done with them. Like that will ever happen.

So when I came home I was feeling really upset. I started debating whether I should become selfish like everyone else seems to be. Then maybe I would not be so disappointed and hurt when my efforts towards others are not appreciated. But just when I was about to delve even deeper into the throes of self pity, I got a text message on my cell:

Okay you succeeded in surprising me. THANK YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. The cookies are good. The kids are tearing them up. Lol. And the Best Buy card - dies of happiness - THANK YOU...You to OllieO.

The cookies and gift card I sent to my online friend decayed rebirth was a pleasant surprise. She never once asked what my reasons were for sending her a gift and she was truly happy. So maybe the problem isn't my being overly generous, but who I choose to be generous to. I guess I just need to hone my skills in that area.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Happy Birthday to You....

Today is my youngest sister's 17th birthday. I bought her a couple of gifts and asked her how she wanted to celebrate her big day. She just shrugged her shoulders and said we can wait to celebrate on Christmas. WHAT?!

It seems my sister was hoping to attend a party thrown by one of her friends in her honor. Of course this "friend" happens to have just gotten his own apartment and turned 21 years of age. This little bit of knowledge completely freaked my mother out...not that my mother doesn't have reasons for her concerns. No one wants their teenage daughter around older boys. Plus my sister has not used the best judgment when it comes to boys anyway. But before my mother could have a fit and begin her lecture, I took the moment to make light of the situation. I know, what the hell did I do that for?

My sister is a wild child. She loves the extreme and going against authority. The more you tell her NOT to do something the more determined she is to do it...especially if you are me or mom. She has been in rehab and juvie. Both because she failed to follow the rules and get her act together. She is relatively clean and sober. Mom has caught her drunk on occasion, but nothing as severe as the cocaine use or other hard core drugs she used to take. Of course, homophobic narrow-minded person disagrees with me about her being clean and sober. "Alcohol is a drug!" Yeah okay it is, but it is also legal. Well, not at her age...but still. Personally, I think he just has to disagree with me because it is etched in his DNA to do so. But that is for another post...

They say that when a person starts doing drugs they mentally stop developing. My sister began taking drugs at the age of ten. About that time her grades plummeted and she began to care about nothing. She lost all her ambitions and no longer desired becoming a veterinarian. She came to live with me where I tried to encourage and push her in to some type of direction. Of course at the time, I was oblivious to her drug use. Eventually she ended up back at our mother's. She started running away and disappearing for days at a time.

Inevitably she fell into the juvenile justice system. She had spent some nights in juvenile hall and finally lost all her chances. She ended up in a state facility geared to teens with drug problems. It is located at the State Hospital in Vernon, TX. She stayed there for seven months. During her stay there, one of her ex-boyfriends died. He overdosed, but it is rumored that it was intentional. She mourned the loss and slowly began to turn her life around. Her grades began improving and she actually talked about attending college someday. Today she is beginning to show signs of maturity, but she still has a long way to go.

Now her only vice is smoking cigarettes. Another habit we are trying to break her from. She says she has to smoke. It keeps her sane while she lives with mom. Granted my mother is not the easiest person to live with. Hell, I moved out at the age of 15. And my coping mechanism was not much better...over-achieving, compulsive loaner.

Anyway, so today she was more concerned about hanging out with her friends than her family. I cannot blame her cause I was exactly the same way at her age. And when she was truthful with us about her preliminary celebration plans, I tried to keep our mother from losing her gasket. Because if my sister knew how much our mother disapproved of it, it would make my sister all the more determined to make it happen. So I made some jokes. I voiced my opinion in a manner that showed my true feelings without pushing my sister to want to rebel.

Was it manipulative? Yes. Do I regret it? Nope. My sister ended up staying the night at a friends house which was verified by our mother. She did spend the afternoon with us and opened her gifts. No cake was shared. No big dinner. But we were together and that meant something to all of us.

Now if I could just get the girl to get a freakin jobby job!!!!

Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree...

So my Christmas tree has finally been put up. Luckily my little sister did it for me this year. Of course she broke it in the process. But beggars can't be choosers.

After my last blog, I rearranged the furniture to make room for my tree. Then I pulled out the tree and ornaments. By the time I got everything ready to begin erecting my tree, I was so exhausted that I just left everything still in all the boxes and went to bed. Well, a new work week began and I was too busy to deal with decorating my apartment.

My mother and sister eventually ventured over to "clean" my apartment. I gave/loaned my mother some money to pay her bills and she decided she wanted to clean my apartment as a way of paying me back. I have no problem with that. Plus it makes her feel productive. My mother has Multiple Sclerosis and is limited on the things she is capable of doing. So being able to do a little cleaning makes her feel not as helpless and prevents me from having to do my own dishes. So everyone wins. HA!

Anyway, my 16 year old sister and her friend decided to put up my Christmas tree for me. Mom vacuumed the area where the tree was to be placed and the two girls worked on the tree. When I came home there was a note on my door stating the tree stand was "cracked" and that the tree was severely leaning to one side.

So I went inside to inspect the damage. The stand was not just "cracked" but actually broken. And the tree was leaning worse than the Tower of Pisa. I immediately called my sister and asked her what she did to my tree. "Nothing! It was like that already." Yeah okay.

So a couple of days later, I made her tape up the stand and rig the tree so it was no longer leaning over. Then she began to decorate it. Unfortunately we discovered that my tree lights were missing. I guess I threw them away or something 2 years ago. So we went to Wal-Mart and bought new lights. $166 later we leave Wal-Mart. Don't even ask...

So she decorated the tree while she fought with Oliver. They battled over each other's space, the ornaments and the lights. Oliver wanted to play with the bright colored strand while my sister struggled to put the lights on the tree. He nipped at her legs when my sister maneuvered around the area invading his nap space. Then he decided that the ball ornaments were his new play toys and proceeded to bat at them once she carefully placed them on the tree.

Several hours later, after much frustration and many obstacles, my tree was done. My sister left the final touches for me and wearily went home to rest. I looked around my apartment for my old tree skirt. I guess I threw it out with the lights. I ended up using an old throw blanket as the tree skirt. Oliver is content to sleep under the lit tree as if it was put up specifically for him or something.

I have slowly began to place wrapped gifts under my tree. Although the more presents under there the more aggressive Oliver gets towards the tree. I have caught him batting at the ornaments...biting and pulling on the branches...even pawing at the gifts to try & make room for him to nap. Last week I found one of my ornaments broken. The other day I found one of my blue ball ornaments laying in the kitchen. For a senior cat he sure is active.

I keep hoping the taped stand can withstand the wrath of Oliver. The last thing I need to do is come home to a fallen tree and crushed kitty cat. Tis the season!