Making A New Deadline

I failed. My original goal to stop obsessing over and discussing all this shit regarding Joe did not happen. I did nothing but run my mouth about it all day today. I am pathetic.

After I sent that email to Joe this morning, I began to worry. What will his reaction be? Did I just make things worse? Is he going to retaliate somehow? I actually began feeling fearful. So far he hasn't responded, and I hope that he doesn't. I don't think I can take another hostile response from him right now. I am too fragile emotionally to deal with anything these days.

I stayed late at work tonight. One, to make up for the 30 minutes I took yesterday and two, to talk to Aviator about what has happened. I hadn't seen him in over a month and Joe had briefly touched on the fact that we were no longer friends last week. I tried explaining what had happened as best I could. But I know I was just confusing him. I eventually gave him a link to my blog and told him to read it. It's pretty much all here.

Aviator gave me some incite. He explained how some of the things I said and did can be seen as jealousy. But he also said that it all seemed rather fishy to him. That it was very obvious once Joe got a man, he did not need me anymore. And he was just blown away like every else that our friendship has ended so abruptly. He provided me some comfort because Aviator is pretty much a straight shooter. I believe he would tell me like it is and not just try to appease me and take my side.

When I came home I checked Joe's myspace page. I know! I am just utterly pathetic. Anyway, he has updated his status to read Joe loves his the husband and his mood is blessed. So I guess my speculation was wrong regarding the trouble in paradise. And whatever was going on a few days ago has passed and he is happy again.

So I decided. Time for a new goal. Starting tomorrow, I am no longer going to talk about this shit. It's unhealthy and sad and not doing me any good whatsoever. Joe has obviously moved on and its more than past time that I do the same. Hopefully I can stick to it this time.