Can't Seem To Let Go

The Saga Continues...

The Email I Sent:

I should be angry with you. But I can't seem to get past being so incredibly hurt to feel angry.

I think your behavior towards me is cruel. Someone that was supposedly your best friend a month ago, you dispose of like garbage. And not because she betrayed you, or stole from you, or intentionally did something to hurt you. She angered you over an incident that you two can't see eye to eye on. And instead of allowing her to process and discuss this with you, you shut her out. And when she tried by any means possible (i.e. novel emails, instant messages, etc) to communicate with you and express her feelings, you ended the friendship. Distancing is one thing, but completely terminating a friendship? How can you justify your behavior? And how can you just walk away from someone you supposedly cared about over a disagreement?

I already accepted the fact that the cell phone incident is some thing we will never agree on. And my last email to you was about me being upset and needing you and you being oblivious to that fact...not about the stupid cell phone incident. I was thrown by my feelings over the death of Baby Sister's dad. Then I had all this family crap that was occurring just trying to attend his funeral.

There is always going to be disagreements and some form of drama in any kind of relationship. If you refuse to allow any drama in your life, then you will be alone forever. And it won't be because of fate or destiny, but because you chose it.

Joe's Response:

we all have drama in our lives...I don't want any of it that I don't have to have.....you kept it going just to keep it going....you could have moved on to the new stuff and it would have done wonders for us...but you wouldn't let that dead horse lie....I was sick of fighting over it...so I dint know what else to do but stop talking to ya...so get angry if ya want...next time someone asks you to stop fighting an unwinnable fight, mabbee you will....but since you dint stop the fighting with me, I did what I needed to make it stop for me.

and just about the time you had your drama going on...I had a little of my own...I am not gonna detail it since we are no longer on that level...I have a feeling all my drama is coming to a head today anyway....then I will be drama free for a while...all except the drama in my head...cant ever stop that.

and then last night I had just gotten to where I could talk to you...and you put that bitch up my ass for the rest of the night...and deliberately too...you know how you hate having her up yours and you volunteer me...good way to fix things!

My Response:

You are absolutely right about Ms. S. I was COMPLETELY out of line doing that to you. I knew as soon as I did it, that I was wrong. And I cannot even begin to apologize enough for that. I am sure you will find a way to pay me back, and rightfully so.

I keep hoping we can fix this. Maybe not be the way we were, but not completely out of each other's lives either. I look around my house and see you EVERYWHERE! My towels racks and light fixtures and mail box and printer and paper shredder and fence gate and lawn mower and DVD player. The list just goes on and on. And I miss you. I have never given my house keys and whatnot to another person before except my mother and that was only after Baby Sister came to live with me. You are very special to me, and the thought of you not being in my life just devestates me.

I hate to hear that you are still having excessive drama. And I don't want to add to it any more than I already have. Just know that I think about you all the time, I wish you only the best, and I will try to respect your wishes of minimal contact.

FYI - $900 later and Ollie is home.