Disbelief and Final Acceptance...

I spent the entire night crying at work. I cried off and on to Old Lady Red & Bull Horn about me & Joe. I told them what has happened and asked their advice. I wanted to know if I was being unreasonable. I guess I just needed validation that my feelings were legitimate. They assured me that Joe is the one in the wrong. That I did not imagine how close we were. That my reaction to the cell phone incident was reasonable. And even though I did cuss him out in that email to him at work, him threatening to report me to our bosses was over the line. That they could not believe how he was treating me. That the husband must be influencing him (which I don't believe he is). And Joe will regret ending our friendship like this. None of it made me feel better.

I even called EJ this morning on my way home from work. EJ told me that I have to let this relationship go. That even though I am hurting, I can't make him be my friend. She told me that my last email to him was beating a dead horse. That I have blatantly told him how I feel and continuing to contact him and repeat myself over & over again is just pathetic & sad. That him threatening me has made it more than abundantly clear that our relationship is dead. That you don't throw people away like this and his ability to do something like that speaks volumes about his character.

She is right. They are all right. But I can't help but feel like maybe I did go too far. That maybe I should have just did what Joe wanted and stopped harping on this. But like I told Old Lady Red and Bull Horn, if I let the incident with the cell phone go then I feel like I'm saying that kind of treatment towards me is okay. And if I didn't let him know how upset I was with the changes in our friendship and his treatment of my feelings, then I was not respecting myself nor demanding the respect I deserve from others.

I don't know. I regret cussing him in the email I sent to him at work. Even though he made me so angry it does NOT justify me cussing him. And I don't blame him for reacting the way that he did with the threat to report me to management. I crossed a line. And I plan to apologize for that. Other than that, there is nothing else I can do but accept what has happened between us and move on.