Because I'm A Glutton For Punishment

I left a note on Joe's work desk last night. I asked if he missed me because I miss him. He sent me a text message this afternoon with a picture of my note asking if it was from me. I told him that is was and he asked me what was up. I responded that it has been 2 weeks and I wanted to know if he missed me. Here's the response that I got:

Joe: I know its been 2 weeks...when I said I dint want drama I meant it so if it means no contact then so be it...but I don't do drama.
Camlaw: Do you realize how hypocritical that statement is? U can't be blind. The husband is nothing but drama. U just won't deal with my drama.
Joe: Well don't seem like you wanna do nuthin to help the sit.
Camlaw: I needed you to reassure me that I mattered.
Joe: You ain't no baby and...I dint sign up to treat you like I do the husband.

Since I couldn't even begin to respond to that with a simple text message, I sent him this email instead:

I didn't leave that note to fight. I left it cause I am hurting and I miss you and I wanted to know if you missed me too.

You're right. I'm not a baby. But people need reassurance. They need to know that they matter. That doesn't make them babies, it makes them human. Even you have needed reassurance from time to time. Remember last year when I put in my job transfer, you gave me grief saying that I was abandoning you and leaving you behind, yada yada yada. And I tried to reassure you that you were important to me and that I would never abandon you, but I needed that job both financially and career wise. I was miserable at work and you knew that. Eventually I think you accepted that, and then when I didn't leave I guess your fears of abandonment subsided or whatever.

Now let's fast forward to now, you are in a relationship that I have tried to be nothing but supportive of. I never tried to discourage you from pursuing this relationship. I was actually pushing you to give it a real chance. But then the cell phone incident happened. I was floored that this person was able to disrespect me like that. And I was hurt that he had that kind of access to me. Like I said before, the actual text messages I can get over, it was what they meant or signified. The fact that he was able to do something like that to me, then your refusal to acknowledge my feelings, that no actual apology was given and so forth and so on...

And it proceeded to get worse between us because the husband monopolized ALL of your time. We barely talked outside of work. And when we did, we didn't have one conversation (whether at work or not) that didn't revolve around him. And then you were doing things with him that you would NEVER do with me. The concert and the mall shopping and the music, taking time off from work. I just felt more and more abandoned. Joe, I have to beg you every year just to spend my birthday with me. The husband has a bad day and you take off from work?! You won't even take time off from work for yourself when you are sick!

Then Oliver dies and I spend the next several days in a deep depression. I didn't even get out of bed the day after. And while everyone else called or sent text messages or emails to see how I was doing, you did NOTHING. I lose a beloved pet and I get no compassion? Hell, even Stick Figure gave me a sympathy card. You didn't have to understand my feelings, but acknowledgement of those feelings would have meant the world to me.

Don't you to see how unfair you have been and are being to me? Can't you acknowledge that your behavior towards me has been unwarranted and cruel? Can't you see that you did EXACTLY what you said you wouldn't do...abandoned me for a guy? A month after the husband comes into the picture, I am history? A man that has lied to you, manipulated you, made you question his trustworthiness, hell he even had you finance and participate in an illegal activity. A man that you are bending over backwards for to be with and have willingly sacrificed a friendship for. A man that has brought nothing BUT drama into your life.

I never asked you to choose between us. I would never do that. And I have always accepted the fact that the husband is important to you. But at the same time I needed to know that I was important too. That I mattered also. And it's not jealousy. If I was jealous, I would have never encouraged you to be with him. I would have taken every opportunity I had to try & sabotage your relationship. I really want you to be happy. I just didn't want it to be at the cost of our friendship. And in all honesty it shouldn't have to be. We were so close that everyone joked that we were married. And then all of a sudden it changed. You can't fault me for having trouble with that.

Please think about what I am saying. Don't respond to this email right away. Please just take the time to really evaluate things between us. I don't want our friendship to be over. You are important to me. And what little drama that is between us I don't think is enough to completely end our friendship over. Do you?

Then I sent him this text message:
I sent u an email. Pls read it & really think about it before u respond. Have a good weekend.

So I guess we will see what happens from here.