Finally Home (Part 2)

WARNING: The following content is graphic and somewhat gross. Not intended for the weak at heart...or stomach!

OK now where was I? So I got into my new room and eventually settled in and calmed down. They gave me a shot to help drain the fluid from my lungs which made my poor bladder feel like it was gonna explode even though they had me on a catheter. I was still on oxygen and a respiratory therapist came in and gave me a breathing treatment. Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) finally went home when he realized I was okay again.

They took me down to have an Upper GI to make sure I had no digestive problems before they put me on a all liquid diet (broth, water, jello, juice, Popsicles). This was Thursday night. I was still on oxygen and my oxygen level was slowly improving. I was supposed to get up and walk around some more but I was too worn out to do so. Early the next morning (like about 3am or so) I did get up and walk a little bit in the halls. But as I should have known by now that just when things start to seem to be going okay, the bottom falls out.

I began having problems breathing through my nose. It felt like a weight had settled in my sinuses. When I tried to blow it clear, chunks of blood came out. I told one of my worthless nurses who told me the doctor would have to order me some saline nasal spray. They claimed that my oxygen was humified but it was drying out my sinuses like you wouldn't believe. Anyway...

Early Friday morning I got out of bed and sat up in a chair to eat (well drink) my breakfast. At this time I had not passed and gas or had a bowel movement. When I sat there, I finally passed gas which unfortunately felt wet. I told the nurse who claimed it was probably just "juices". Juices? I asked for clarification. She explained anal juices. Uh GROSS! I told her I didn't think that is what it was, but again I was dismissed.

They assigned me a student nurse and when she and the patient assistant tried to give me a sponge bath, I stood up and had a massive cramp across my lower abdomen. It felt like someone was ripping me open. I then discovered I was covered in blood. Upon investigation, we found that my drainage tube had come undone and we suspect I was covered in blood from that. The patient assistat had to go help another patient. So the wonderful little student nurse helped clean me up and discovered that even though I was clean, there was still blood everywhere. She suspected I had started my period (which was not due for another week) and went to get the regular nurse to confirm.

So here I am, spread eagle, practically naked and have 2 nurses and then the respatory doctor trying to confirm if I started my period or not. At this point, any modesty I had left is completely gone. They decide it is my period and put me back in the chair with a blanket pad. I have to wait until they get in these special panties before I can get back in to my bed because I am still on the cathater. I sat there ALL day in my own blood. I was beyond furious. Finally when one the patient assistant came in to take my vitals, I went off on her.

I asked her if I was just supposed to sit in my blood all day or was it possible for me to lay down in my bed and take a much needed nap. She was flabergasted that I wasn't taken care of and immediately helped me to bed. Just then the miraculous panties arrived. They removed my cathater. I was cleaned up again, dressed in these stupid panties and put to bed. The evening nurses came in shortly afterwards to try to get me to get up and walk around. Needless to say I gave them my best "You've got to be fucking kidding me. Get the fuck out of here!" stares, and they left me alone.

I get up a few hours later and attempt to go to the restroom. As I was sitting on the throne, the evening nurse came in and told me I needed to go. She was completely out of breath and hard to understand. I told her I was trying to go to the bathroom. Then she clarified and said we needed to go before we blew away. I looked at her strangely and then she explained that a tornado was coming and we needed to evacuate the room. So here I am, dragged off the toliet and whisked into the hallway with several other patients. All of us on oxygen and pretty pathetic looking. They gave us blankets to cover ourselves with in case glass started flying about.

An hour later the crisis passed and we were allowed back into our rooms. Of course my adventure just continued on. My IV decided to pop out so I had to get a new IV. Which anyone who has had one knows, they are not the most pleasant items to have.

Saturday night my overnight nurse suddenly removed one of the pillows that was propping me up. This sudden movement caused a very sharp pain across my lower abdomen. It felt like someone was trying to rip out my right ovary. Needless to say I moaned in agony. I had to pinch my side to aleviate the constant pain. They had taken me off my morphine drip earlier in the day and now I was given some lame ass liquid hydrocodone. It wasn't the same!

I was still trying to relieve the continous pressure in my nasal sinuses. I hadn't gotten the nasal spray I asked for 2 days ago and figured that it was coming from the same far off place as the special panties. Eventually I heard a slight pop while using a kleenex and had a bloody nose. I called the night nurse and he informed me that the nasal spray was there. I wonder how long it had been there. I tried to use it, but my that time it just burned like hell.

Sunday rolled around and I started planning my escape. I told Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) that there were several roof tops that I could run & jump down from, but I would be mooning the other patients in the process. I also thought about using my jello spoon to dig a tunnel. The countless other lame plans of escape kept me and Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) laughing for hours.

My oxygen level was almost 100% so they took me off the oxygen. Then then brought me more barium to take so they could do a CT scan and find out why my lower abdonmen was so painful. It was banana flavor, but still barium is nasty as hell. I was only able to drink one of the 2 bottles they gave me. The CT nurse gave me a hard time saying they may not be able to scan me. Eventually the doctor agreed and up on the table I went to have the scan done.

When they tried to give me a shot of the contrast, my new (second) IV was not working. They called my nurse down to fix it, but she came down to give me another new (third) IV. The CT nurse figured out a way to make my current IV work and I was saved the torture of another IV stick.

They made me stretch and hold my breath as they did this scan which was pure torture for me. By the time they were done I was shaking from being in so much pain. Again I moaned in agony and this time had tears falling down my face. They took me back to my room, gave me more pain medicine and virtually left me alone for the rest of the night.

This morning I finally got to see my surgeon/doctor. He informed me that my CT scan showed my ovary enlarged and suggested I contact my OB/GYN doctor since she would not come to that hospital. I asked him when I could be released and he said this afternoon after they removed my stitches and drain tube. I immediately took a shower, called Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) and was out of there by 12:30 pm. I am in severe pain, but oh so happy to be home in my own bed with my fuzzy butt cat.

I have never had such a horrible experience in all my life. And believe it or not, I have left out several other torturous little details that occurred during my stay. I hope to NEVER have to go back there again. As Joe (a.k.a. gay boyfriend) said, "Just shoot me in the head and be done with it instead!"