Remember When...

Remember when you were a kid and you sat for hours searching through the Sears and JC Penney catalogs for all the things you wanted Santa to bring you for Christmas? You made sure to bend the pages and circle the toys on each page to make sure your parents knew exactly what you were talking about. And you wrote several letters to Santa promising to be extra good if he just brought you that latest Barbie doll or GI Joe action figure and the new cool board game by Mattel.

The kids nowadays are much more sophisticated. Plus their tastes run much more expensive than ours did when we were their age. First, you got the Leap Frog. This is supposedly a great learning tool, but damn if those accessories are not costly. I tried to get a few things for a friend's little girl and I thought I was gonna have to sell a kidney.

And the older kids are all into the electronics. My little cousin (who was not even 11 years old at the time) already has a digital camera with its own printer for pictures. I don't even have a digital camera! She also has a cell phone and Lord knows what else. Luckily she has not hit that awkward age where you cannot still buy her clothes. I give that another year or two. I usually give her something boring like books. I know. I am so uncool.

And then you have the teenagers. My 16 years old sister is all about the tattoos and piercings and ugly ass clothes. I can't trust her with cash cause she either blows it on cigarettes or some thing even worse. I usually give her a gift certificate of some kind, but it is either not enough money or no place she likes to shop. Walmart used to be a safe place cause she could at least find something there she wanted. However she got caught shop lifting there so now she is banned. I ought to just give her a lump a coal.

And then you have the adults. Our gifts are pretty costly too. From the flat screen, plasma tvs, to the latest video game set, to the coolest electronic device for our computers, none of it falls within my budget. And of course the items that I can afford, the goofy people go out and buy it for themselves first. And then on the very rare occasion when I find something I think they might like or at the very least get a kick out of, turns out to be a disappointment to them.

I try to be sincere and meaningful with my gifts to others. Usually if they tell me something in passing I store that information for later use. And then use that information for buying them something that they might like. But so many people are materialistic that they fail to see the sincerity in my gifts. Damn ingrates!

So this year I decided to write Santa a letter.

Dear Santa,

Please grant me the courage to tell all my friends and family to kiss my ass this year regarding gift giving. I have no desire to sacrifice my sanity to fight for the last gameboy or mp3 player or whatever hot item is out there this year. I don't care to get my feelings hurt when the gift I choose is not what they wanted or even liked. Instead let me spend my money on something that I might enjoy like a DVR or a receiver or a nice set of diamond stud earrings. Let Oliver and I enjoy a quiet evening together instead spending my time monitoring the latest family argument.

I have been a very good girl this year and think my request is pretty reasonable. Please help make this holiday season a pleasant one.

Sincerely,
Camlaw

P.S. And if it is not too much trouble, can I win the lottery too?